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Joke of the Day

"If Donald Trump becomes president.. If Donald Trump becomes president of an Island population of only himself, there will still be anarchy."

"(while falling down a well) god damnit i forgot to grab my phone charger"

"England are to have a new captain next week. His name is Roger Smith and he's the pilot for the flight home."

"Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain 3.) prisoner of war 4.) homeless person 5.) wizard"

"Some guys beat me up with brass knuckles in broad daylight. It was a pretty brazen act of violence."

"A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages"

"finally sold everything that reminded me of my ex. kinda nice, I got $20 for her clothes, $50 for her tv, and $100 for our kid"

"What do you call a girl who's sitting in the middle of a tennis court? Annette."

"Kanye West was hospitalized... Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time."

"Mandela dead at 95. Respect. That's 5mph faster than Paul Walker."