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Joke of the Day

"My biggest fear is that someone will say ""Git-R-Dun"" while I'm holding my child. Because I will instinctively swing my baby at their face."

"First Obama came for my guns. Then he came for my knives. Then he came for my dinette set. Then he redecorated the whole place. It's lovely."

"What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly but a fly can't bird."

"What do you get when you cross egg whites with a bomb? A boomerang"

"Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I'm unsure of"

"Mayweather remains unbeaten Unlike his ex-girlfriends."

"I would rather be a goat or a bag of teeth than a ""low information voter."""

"The way to treat women is always in your heart. Beat beat beat."

"What's the difference between a woman and a PC from 1995? A woman doesn't accept 3 1/2 inch floppies."

"Why was the tree in prison because it committed treeson"