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Joke of the Day

"i don't need a ""previously on..."" ive been watching this show for 9 hours straight"

"If Sam McCringle can mingle with a single bag of Pringles in the time it takes to sing a single jingle, with how many Pringles did Sam McCringle mingle? none... Pringles come in cans"

"What's a divorce attorney's favorite dessert? Wedding cake"

"(DARK HUMOR) Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands."

"Why was being a soprano a requirement to becoming a pirate? It made it easier to deal with high C's"

"Smokey the Bear just told me that only *I* could prevent forest fires. This is a lot of pressure, people."

"A cloud came over the emperor's face. He vehemently gave a thumbs down. The crowd roared as the next Pandora song began to play."

"Why can't atheists solve quadratic equations? They don't believe in higher powers."

"I just heard an add on the radio stressing the importance of healthy muscles and it inspired me to bend my elbows more while eating cake."

"Why do people live soda? Because it's sodalicious."