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Joke of the Day

"[house hunting] Friend: *hurls spear into vinyl siding* GOT ONE! Me: *hacking at brick siding w/ sword* GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME!"

"What is the dairy farmer's favorite exercise? Calf Raises."

"My daughter is playing ""you can't find me, Mommy""... I'm playing ""I'm not trying, Suckaaaa""."

"I got a haircut recently. I thought it was too short at first, but it's started to grow on me."

"I beat up a drummer in marching band. I'm not afraid of any re-percussions."

"Did you hear about the Crucifixion victims? They're screwed up."

"What do you call a hippopotamus in an I.C.U.? Hippo-critical."

"Friend and I have been playing a new drinking game. We drink every time we need to mask the pain."

"Delivering the punchline too early. You know what's the only thing worse than delivering the punchline to a joke too late?"

"Why doesn't Kanye West take his wife to the beach? Because he is afraid tidal wave will take her away from him."