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Joke of the Day
"I'm not a violent person. I just really enjoy assisting people in falling down."
Next Joke
"I was doing CPR on a co-worker for 5 minutes before someone told me that's just how she laughs"
"What did the pastor say when his blanket rose up from his bed? ""Holy Sheet!"""
"ten years ago my dad called me a ""latte liberal"" once, now i wanna adjust my vintage frames scoffing all like ""UM, IT'S COLD BREW SOCIALIST"""
"Did ya hear about the guy who got his hand caught in the printing press? He's in all the papers. ...Ba-dum bum"
"Nightmare scenario: a man with the confidence of Pitbull and the talent level of Pitbull."
"No matter how kind you are.... German kids are kinder."
"Sometimes I'll order a pizza without any toppings... When I'm feeling saucy."
"One Wish If I was a governor the first thing I'd do, is make having a family garden an excessive tax write-off: and I'd have the most beautiful state ever."
"What would happen if for one day nobody could make calls with their cellphone in the United States? Literally nothing, because nobody fucking ever answers their phone to begin with."