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Joke of the Day

"*Holds an old lady's hand as I help her across the street* don't worry ma'am i'm sure the doctors can sew it back on"

"I'm not sure who's more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror."

"If life gives you melons You might be dyslexic"

"What's the difference between god and pilots? God doesn't think he's a pilot."

"How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? You strangle it until it turns blue, and then shoot it with the blue elephant gun."

"Why is Tigger always dirty? Because he plays with Pooh"

"If you find yourself in conversation with a stutterer, it is best to shout out ""Reeeeeemix"" and scratch at invisible turntables."

"Explosion at a pie factory. 3.14159265 dead."

"Rubix cubes are like penises... The more you play with them, the harder they get."

"Where do you see yourself in four years? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."