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Joke of the Day

"[dog walking a human] *walks by a coffeeshop with its door open* HUMAN: *tries to sprint in* COFFEE DOG: woah boy *pulls leash* easy there"

"u can't pet a goldfish without taking it out of the water & even then it's not that satisfying for either party"

"What's the only buttons that work on a redditor's computer? Copy + paste..."

"What happens when you ditch a gf for another she will become bff with your new gf, and become lesbians"

"Tons of hot girls in my neighborhood stopped talking to me. I guess they find ad-block really unattractive."

"How was copper wire created? Two Jews found the same penny."

"I spent two hours child-proofing my home. They still got in."

"Kissing is like peeing your pants Everyone can see it but only you can feel the heat"

"Facebook is a big party where the host is in a back room going through all the coats."

"""Hello?"" Dad come get me from practice ""Sorry I'm going into a tunnel"" *sound of mom giggling* But I called the *connection drops* ...landline"