138695

Joke of the Day

"[dog walking a human] *walks by a coffeeshop with its door open* HUMAN: *tries to sprint in* COFFEE DOG: woah boy *pulls leash* easy there"

"How much does a hipster weigh? ....An instagram."

"My black friend wears Ask body spray."

"Michelle Obama was not the first person to think of the ""Turnip for what"" She was the First Lady"

"Why dick has a sad life? Bcoz, his hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy and his owner beats him."

"Did you read the book ""The History of Glue""? I couldn't put it down!"

"Coworkers: Zack, you should come to a hookah bar with us! Me: Why? Who's celebrating their 12th birthday?"

"What's better than a gold medal at the Paralympics? Working legs."

"When hubs is sleeping I put my Care Bear blanket on him and take the most adorable blackmail photos ever."

"What do Ohio and Mackerels have in common? Nothing! Ohio is the only state in the United States that's name shares no letters with the word mackerel."