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Joke of the Day

"You know, the world doesn't revolve around you! ...because it'd take too long if it did."

"Playing play doh w/ 3 is just her ordering me to ""make elephant! Now teapot!"" As if I have the artistic ability to create more than a ball."

"How many Will Ferrell's does it take to change a light bulb? One, AND IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"Why are there so many jumpshots in the WNBA? Because women can't drive"

"Straight girls are like spaghetti... Only straight until they get wet."

"Fun prank: 1: steal your married friends phone 2: change your name to ""Brandi from the club"" 3: call them repeatedly and hang up at 3AM"

"I regret joining the gym recently.. leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds"

"Why don't Blacks and Mexicans have babies? Their kids would be too lazy to steal."

"People treat me like a god... They don't talk to me unless they want something."

"Be a firefighter they said, Rescue kittens & throw them into fire they said, Youre misinformed they said, We're calling the police they said"