138534

Joke of the Day

"I asked the guy in the Santa suit why he was following me around. He said he was Christmas stalking."

"Someone stole all the toilets from the police station downtown. The cops have nothing to go on."

"DAUGHTER: why did you name me Paris? ME: You were conceived on our honeymoon in Paris SON: OMG!! ME: (to son) what's wrong 97FordF150?"

"My favorite dad joke of all time... Why don't chickens pee? Because they eat with their pecker."

"What does the high elves call Gandalf? Methrandir"

"Did you hear about the guy who picked up a leper at the gay bar? [NSFW] After he pulled out, he got himself a nice piece of ass."

"Am sorry boss, I know I said I'd do that report this morning. But the girl next to me on the train was wearing a short skirt, & I forgot I even had a job."

"Where do otters come from? Otter space. [credit goes to Anne Carson, or wherever she heard it]"

"If I had a dollar for every gender created in 2016 I'd have one million dollars, unfortunately it would be in monopoly money because none of them are real."

"Do I turn left, when nothing is right? Or do I turn right, when there's nothing left?"