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Joke of the Day

"#1: Too many people still answer the phone like they don't know who's calling."

"[woman on death row] ""Your last meal?"" - I don't care. You pick. ""Fish?"" - Gross no ""Steak?"" - No. Anything is fine tho. ""Pasta?"" - Ew carbs"

"The 9-year-old in me thinks life is all about fun. But then I think, how long is it gonna take to digest this kid? I'm a huge python, btw."

"If Russia tried to take Turkey from behind... ... do you think Greece would help ?"

"Instagram: ""Look at my sushi!"" Vine: ""Look at my sushi for six seconds!"""

"What was King Arthur's favourite game ? Knights and crosses !"

"All I'm saying is that the cheese grater wouldn't have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after EVERY use."

"Q: Did you ever hear about the rope joke? A: Skip it."

"Mexican drug lords now have ig and keep posting selfies with stacks of money, mansions and yachts. I think the army... could really learn something from that recruitment campaign."

"Q: Have you read the book about very cold temperatures? A: Not only does it have two covers, it has a jacket."