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Joke of the Day

"What would you rather have Parkinson's or Alzheimer's? At least with Parkinson's you have half a pint."

"I could survive 3 months in the wilderness with a pocket knife and the contents of a woman's purse."

"What is the dumbest joke you've ever come up with, while at work or in school? Go!"

"What do you call Atheism? A non-prophet organization."

"Your mother ."

"Snoring comes easily to me. In fact, I can do it in my sleep."

"Maybe if I do the opposite and let my kids eat off the floor, more food would end up on the table."

"In my next life, I'd like to come back as one of those girls who ""forgets"" to eat."

"Music is best when it's louder than I can think."

"ACTORS' TIP: can't afford headshots? run a red light and use the photo they mail you. as a bonus you can add ""driving stunts"" to your resume"