138158

Joke of the Day

"911: Sir, I understand you think it did it against your will and was aggressive but we can't arrest an auto flush toilet. Me: I WASNT READY"

"The NSA is coming to town You better not call, You better not Skype, You better not type and I'm telling you why, The NSA is coming to town"

"Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, ""I don't know. I don't speak Chinese."" Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means."

"What did the O say to the Q? ""Dude, you're dicks hanging out"""

"Do you before read your tweets even sending them?"

"No one's laugh sounds like ""bwahahaha."" NO one."

"crush: i really like music me: *gets jealous of music and rips off crushes ears*"

"Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have."

"What do moths study at school? Mothmatics"

"You know why the swimming events are so popular at the 2016 Olympics?.... Because Brazilians rarely get too see clean water"