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Joke of the Day

"A dyslexic agnostic stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog."

"Black lives matter Most black 15-year-olds are decent law-abiding citizens. It's their kids that cause all the trouble."

"What's an electrical engineers favorite flavor of ice cream? Shocklate."

"My Black friend was pissed off that he didn't get a job he was totally qualified for so I told him to ""lighten up"" we're no longer friends."

"What is the prettiest thing about a DC girl? Her resume."

"Hi, I'm starting a support group for people who have trouble reaching orgasm... If you can't cum let me know."

"There's a lot of speculation about the new iPhone. It's expected to have a larger screen and a better operating system. Yes, the new iPhone will be called last year's Samsung Galaxy."

"HOLY SHIT. THANK GOD TINA S. UPDATED HER FACEBOOK STATUS TO ""i hate studyyinggg"" OR ELSE WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN?! BIG NEWS, TINA! BIG NEWS."

"What's the most bitter tea in existence? Reality *cries in the corner*"

"I told a newcomer in prison that the other inmates were heavily interested in astronomy. When asked what I meant, I said, ""They are particularly interested in Uranus, so you don't want to moon them."""