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Joke of the Day

"HOLY SHIT. THANK GOD TINA S. UPDATED HER FACEBOOK STATUS TO ""i hate studyyinggg"" OR ELSE WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN?! BIG NEWS, TINA! BIG NEWS."

"[Bookstore] Me: *hands over Tangled coloring book* Cashier: How old is your daughter? Me: [sweating nervously] Of course it is"

"Good is the enemy of great. Sponge is the enemy of math. Metaphysics is the enemy of Walmart."

"[car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that"

"What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? Udderly useless."

"*takes off pants* *crawls into bed* Security Guard- Lady, this is Macy's *crawls out of bed* *puts on pants* SG- Those aren't your pants"

"I don't think this guy who just told a woman to calm down understands how women work"

"In the today's news a man was caught attempting to pickpocket Warwick Davis. Don't know how anyone could stoop so low."

"Your momma so fat... She needs cheat codes for Wii Fit."

"I wanna die by getting stuck my lightning Shocking, I know."