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Joke of the Day
"That's the hardest thing about killing a toddler? My dick."
Next Joke
"LPT: Don't stand out too much from the group. Or you'll be a joke."
"Friend: you should come over tonight. we're watching 'How to Train Your Dragon 2' Me: Friend: Me: to what? Friend:"
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Also, tornados and the dark and everything."
"Reasons I Can Relate To Raccoons: 1) Dark circles around eyes. 2) Eats junk. 3) Small and chubby. 4) Stays up all night. 5) Cute but will fight you."
"I said to my wife, 'Hey, I really love these new furry condoms.'' 'Bob, that's a cat.'"
"I used to date the lead singer of the cranberries Until i found out she was cheating on me....turns out she had some turkey on the side. :D"
"What did the polite bacteria say to the mouth? GingINVITEus in!"
"PLOT TWIST: MARIJUANA is the drug against wars."
"What did the author say when he added a chapter about flour to a story about soup? The plot thickens!"