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Joke of the Day

"Girls call me the Burgermeister Meisterburger... After they get with me, they throw away all their toys."

"Did you hear about the wrestler who was beaten by a vampire? He was down for the count"

"Have you ever been on the Nile River? I heard it does on for miles and niles and niles... If you don't believe me, you may be in denial."

"DOROTHY: What do these shoes do? GLINDA: Send you home D: Lame [tries new pair] And these? G: Wait- D: [clicks heels] [turns into hamburger]"

"Jobs I'd be shit at: -brain surgeon -rocket scientist -ventriloquist -goat herder -sober person thingy"

"What do Jews drive? A hard bargain"

"I miss you like... post your funny ending! let's see what we get..."

"A lot of times you put up a tweet and at first it doesn't seem like it's going to do very well and then BOOM: you make 1 million dollars"

"What is the square root of 69? Eight something. Get it?"

"My gay friend told me he's spending this 4/20 with his boyfriend. He said, ""After all, the Bible says 'Two men who lie together shall be stoned'."""