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Joke of the Day

"How does an abstract artist paint? They wipe their ass with canvas."

"Don't you hate when you take a power nap and wake up 22 hours later and everybody at work is staring at you?"

"Did a little math tonight. Need to do 3,527 hours of cardio to get down to my ideal weight by summer, and not consume any calories."

"Were Trump to propose a ban on Abortions... he could easily modify his slogan to ""Make America Late Again"""

"ONLY Justin Bieber could make doing drugs look not cool..."

"One hard thing to explain to people under 20 is how legitimately exciting it used to be when someone would wheel in an overhead projector."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. She holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her."

"What do you call a gay drive-by? A fruit rollup"

"Dad called me a cunt I always buy him socks for Xmas. I said, ""you bastard, it's the thought that counts."" I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs"

"Beauty and the Beast (1991): A woman develops Stockholm Syndrome, emotionally bonding with her captor at castle furnished with singing decor"