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Joke of the Day

"*smoke detector chirps* me*takes battery out* *chirp* me*cuts wires* *chirp* me*smashes it with a hammer* *chirp* wife:We have more than one"

"I keep telling Redditors ADHD doesn't actually exi..... ....hey look, a birdie!"

"What's the most inconvenient thing about liking big butts? The inability to lie"

"Me: bedtime! Brain: you're hungry M: no I'm not B: thirsty then M: nope B: uhh sad? M: doing ok B: you forgot to do that thing M: nice try"

"How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce the word ""unionized."""

"Feminism: because not all women can be beautiful."

"Why does no one makes fun of the gay kid who hung himself? Because it's low-hanging fruit"

"I have the body of a 25 year-old Supermodel Not sure what to do with it in my basement"

"How does the butcher introduce his wife? Meat Patty."

"I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, What the hell are you doing with your life?'"