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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a candle really happy...? Blow it out, it'll be delighted"

"I've just got back from a funeral of a friend who was killed after being hit in the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service."

"Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? Because he only **comes** once a year."

"Why did Trump run in Us instead of Canada? Because He's worried that he would win with a minority government."

"Little kid walks in on his daddy masturbating... * Daddy, what are you doing? * I am jerking off, soon you will be doing it. * But why, daddy? * Because my hand is getting tired."

"Islam Is a religion of peace"

"How can you tell when a drummer's at the door? He doesn't know when to come in"

"[Girl over my house] ""My ex boyfriend had this weird one-man-band thing. You dont, right?"" [Unclipping my harmonica holder] Def not."

"What do you call it when you do papercrafts with seaweed? Norigami."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his girlfriend on the other side, but then he got taken by McDonalds and crushed for chicken nuggets."