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Joke of the Day

"I asked my boss... I asked my boss what he wanted me to do with a large roll of bubble wrap. He told me to pop it in the corner. It took me over three hours!"

"Your password must contain 9 letters, a treasure map, Drakes social security # & the sound Marv made on Home Alone when he stepped on a nail"

"Why do asian parents give their children short names? More time on tests."

"Me: My son totaled another car. Progressive: I see that you insure 3 teen sons? M: yes P: *covers phone* HEY GUYS, WE'RE GOING TO ARUBA!"

"I was talking to a religous friend when I remembered that Moses drank lots of tea ""Oh really, how does he make it?"" ""Hebrews it."""

"What do you call a witch who only eats sand? Malnourished."

"I've been on reddit so much I'm gravely ill now... I think I caught a computer virus."

"Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer The first one says to the other one, ""Does this taste funny to you?"" The other one says, ""No."""

"Yo mommas so black she has been marked absent at night school."

"I just saw a man pick up a screaming child and take her to his van. Man, kids are getting carried away these days."