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Joke of the Day

"I asked my boss... I asked my boss what he wanted me to do with a large roll of bubble wrap. He told me to pop it in the corner. It took me over three hours!"

"""Thats a killer dirt bike you've got, man!"" *dirt bike holds a knife to your throat* Believe me...I know."

"[calls up friend] Remember when you said I wouldn't ever make it on TV? Well turn on the news! ""Okay, but why are you calling from jail?"""

"Girls storing chips in their bras...pfft amateurs. I've got spaghetti and half a taco from this afternoon in there"

"To a necrophiliac, what is the only thing better than a human-sized refrigerator? A human-sized microwave."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control. He's an ex-terminator now."

"a 21st century Hitler would have Macklemore hair (the moustache was attempt to seem young & trendy) & he would call himself a ""race wonk"""

"Thats is how i outsmart him :P My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"Hard to say which dinosaur was the sexiest."

"""I'll hand you your change in the most inconvenient way possible!"" - Cashiers"