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Joke of the Day

"""Honey, why are there broken condoms on the backyard?"" And that's when his wife replied shouting: ""I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING THE KIDS THAT!"""

"As President Roosevelt said: ""We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."""

"I like to think that the lead singer of Limp Bizkit sorts out his own affairs before seeing to other peoples... Durst's things First"

"[puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart] Ma'am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly. [slowly puts second tub in cart]"

"How do you keep a vegan from eating all your dairy? Invite two of them."

"What's ISIS favourite meal? Turkey! Its the bomb!"

"Getting mail addressed to ""Current Resident"" is the sales equivalent of a guy group texting ""You free tonight?"" to every girl in his phone."

"I just spent 38 minutes on the phone w my mother. And she couldn't tell I was drinking. I'm worried about her, now."

"If the actor who plays Wolverine were to reveal that he's been a con-artist his entire life.... Would that mean this has all been a huge act, man?"

"I'm gonna open a store that sells three things; Axe Body Spray, Self-tanning lotion & chloroform & call it The Jersey Store"