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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday I was just a dude in a hoody whispering Black Sabbath lyrics to a goat. Today, I am the leader of a petting zoo cult."

"A baby of few hours old is third in line for the highest title in the UK."

"Shouting ""put your hands in the air like you just don't care!"" is a fun way to bring a party atmosphere to a bank robbery."

"My dick is good at math. What I'm trying to say is that it's the small things that count."

"Life is stupid. You can ACCIDENTALLY make a baby but you can't ACCIDENTALLY make a cake."

"I have sychic powers. For example, right now you're thinking, ""it's psychic."""

"Kanye West becomes the President And Kim Kardashian becomes the First Lady"

"What do Mexicans put under their carpet? UNDERLAY! UNDERLAY!"

"What does a dentist do in his free time? Shoot lions."

"A baker's gotta work- to put bread on the table."