137669

Joke of the Day

"""How's your sexual history?"" Well doc, if i had to summarize it in one word it would be ""deletable"""

"Have you heard of that family fun game Beat the Parents? Talk about a double standard."

"[turns to buddy just before bar fight] ""I'll take the guy with the glasses, you take the guy dressed as a ninja"""

"I lost 140 unwanted, useless, life-sucking pounds - in only 6 weeks! I got a divorce."

"What did the Bacon say to the Tomato? What did Bacon say to Tomato? ""Lettuce get together"""

"Why do they say all minorities look the same? Because once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamaul."

"So you know how you don't dream when you smoke weed? What if MLK smoked?"

"I went out with anorexic twins last night... 2 birds, 1 stone"

"Why does nobody like eating with Lionel? Because he is a Messi eater!"

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.""...... Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""