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Joke of the Day

"I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking."

"A really hot girl was checking me out today. Then I paid her for the groceries and left the store."

"The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales."

"If I got kidnapped I'd continuously sing Pitbull songs until they kill me, I'd die but at least they'd suffer too."

"What did Iron say to Silver after 30 years? You haven't AG-ed a bit."

"What did they do at the Boston Tea Party ? I don't know I wasn't invited !"

"Report card day: The only day where double D's are a bad thing."

"What do you call it when an amputee does Karate? Partial Arts! :)"

"[day after trying sushi for the first time] ME: *putting frozen chicken nuggets on table* WIFE: this isn't cooke- ME: it's sushi, susan"

"the first guy to ride a horse was all like GIDDYUP HORSEY and the horse was all like DAMMIT WHO TOLD HIM THAT MAKES US GO"