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Joke of the Day

"I wear gasoline for cologne because b*tches love money."

"Mom called to tell me she is qualified to be a yoga instructor... I think that's a bit of a stretch"

"Wow, it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen."

"Scotland's Independence David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent. I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know"

"A beggar attacked me with a frying pan... ... he was arrested for panhandling."

"what's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? the taste."

"Work meeting Boss: it's come to my attention that someone has been eating out of the trash! Everyone, including his pet raccoon looks at me"

"An old woman ask her husband of 65 years... what would you do if I stated smoking? He quickly replies ""Slow down and use more lube."""

"I don't like how girls always want the guy to make the first move. Sometimes I just want to play as black."

"What do two rednecks getting divorced and a tornado have in common? Someone is going to lose a trailer."