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Joke of the Day

"I just owned you for three seconds. Possibly five if you're a slow reader. Up to ten if you read this again."

"How many Mexicans does it take to pave a driveway? Six, if you slice them thin enough."

"So if they were called the Mario Bros., that means Mario's last name was Mario?"

"I'd estimate about 28% of the drugs you've taken were smuggled here in someone's asshole."

"Why were the mountain climber's parents disappointed in him? He was always high! ^(I'm sorry)"

"We play GTA because it let's us do things we wouldn't even think about doing in real life... Like golf, tennis and yoga."

"My daughter got her dress caught in the escalator and I had to keep walking so people wouldn't think she was with me."

"Your honor, I second that motion Judge: Ma'am, I'm simply reading your husband's request to be cremated"

"What do you call a sleeping pizza? a *piZZZa* haha someone pls date me"

"I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me"