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Joke of the Day

"[Marriage Counseling] Her: he always mixes two common sayings together that aren't relevant Me: well, blood is thicker than the early bird"

"""Oh, no. No, no, no. Are you kidding me?"" -First thing I would say if someone raised me from the dead"

"My wife doesn't appreciate that I love her mother in law more than I love mine."

"I like my women like I like my milk Freshly made and trapped in the fridge"

"if you imagine all of Adele's songs are about a cheeseburger, it changes things drastically."

"Q: Why was a blind man's leg wet? A: Her dog was blind too."

"What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head? Getting sleighed."

"Did you hear that the Indian bakery closed? I guess it was a naan-profit business."

"My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds... ...so I bought her a bathroom scale."

"thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon"