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Joke of the Day

"Last night I dreamed about eating a huge cotton candy. When I woke up, my pillow was missing."

"Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station."

"Why are Christians so bad at Trigonometry ? They're afraid of sin"

"I gave some Adderall to my Ford Fiesta... it's now a Ford Focus."

"Bouncer: ID please Me: I got socks for Christmas Bouncer: ...okay Me: and I'm genuinely happy about it Bouncer: so sorry come on in"

"I was once called a racist for saying black paint Apparently the correct term is ""Tyrone, please paint the fence."""

"Im wearing my camouflaged underwear. They'll never see me cuming"

"Spice Girls really missed out when they wouldn't let that girl Pumpkin be in the group"

"A feminist once asked me: ""What's your view on lesbians?"" I responded: ""1080p."""

"[in Walmart] ""Excuse me, do you have towels?"" ""Oh, I don't work here."" [leans in close] ""I don't give a shit where you work."""