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Joke of the Day

"Doctor doctor I've got a little sty. Then you'd better buy a little pig."

"I don't like jam but my marmite Note : Girlfriend was determined this was a good joke, I thought it was trash. You decide."

"[car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that"

"The snail and the tortoise What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise? Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!"

"I went to the Reddit tennis tournament. All the servers were busy."

"Hey cat, how's about I lick myself for hours then puke where you sleep? Don't answer that. Why do I even talk to you. Stop looking at me."

"I sat next to the Duchess at tea... It was just as I thought it would be: Her rumblings abdominal Were simply phenomenal And everyone thought it was me."

"how do you circumcise a hillbilly? you kick his sister in the jaw. yee haw!!"

"LAPD announced they fired a dozen officers this today... In other news, 12 cabins were burned to the ground in Big Bear."

"What's a Polar Bear's favourite soup? A laksa."