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Joke of the Day

"Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce."

"I love graphs! I used to be obsessed with them... I've calmed down now though, you've gotta draw the line somewhere"

"* Gets out of a 10 year old coma * Me: Where am I? Dad: GO ASK YOUR MOTHER!"

"An unsharpened pencil... ...is pointless."

"Weird scene in The Hobbit where Peter Jackson walks through the middle of the set and takes a 45-minute shit with the door open."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You don't know?"

"Bill Gates has now donated enough money to charity that he lost his billionaire status. He now goes by Mill Gates."

"How do you get a witch pregnant? You fuck her."

"Why did the superhero make a lot of shredded cheese? It was for the grater good."

"What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period."