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Joke of the Day

"Gwen Stefani: this shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S wait!! If if this shit is bananas then that means... Cut to kid opening lunch box"

"The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can."

"I feel bad for women who say finding true love is the best experience in life. They've obviously never found their bra size on clearance."

"David Cameron walks into a sandwich shop with a pig... The shopkeeper says ""alright dave, pulled pork ?"" ""No mate, she's just a friend."""

"Ladies, if you love a man, set him free. If he comes back he will be yours forever. If he doesn't, the new chick probably squirts or does anal."

"""Don't move or she's dead"" was the last thing the wife heard before the husband started tap dancing."

"They told me I had type A blood... But it was a Type O"

"Wrote this while waiting for a burrito in 2009 What's the difference between Helen Keller and Susan B. Anthony? One doesn't know her place, the other can't find it."

"It's complicated"" is just code for, ""I'm willing to cheat."""

"Wouldn't it be weird if you met someone from twitter in real life and all they did is say random one-liners every few minutes?"