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Joke of the Day

"""Don't move or she's dead"" was the last thing the wife heard before the husband started tap dancing."

"Just got a $14 haircut at Great Clips because I'm worth it goddamnit."

"Don't worry, everyone else is as confused as you, I swear."

"Whats the similarity between a reddit user and a vulture? Both are dead inside."

"I sleep with a knife under my pillow. You never know when someone is going to break in and give you a cake."

"Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively."

"With the terror and all the negative things going on in the world today, it's remarkable that Charlie Sheen is able to stay positive."

"Memo to Life: Fewer lemons. More cherries. Thanks!"

"Man goes into the store... ...and he's quite startled by what he sees. The clerk has these great bushy eyebrows. Horrified, the man stutters, ""Can eyebrows your inventory?"""

"My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked."