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Joke of the Day

"Anyone want to do the laundry for me? Im exhausted. I can pay you in beanie babies or hot monkey sex. The monkey's name is Earl. He bites."

"I wake up easy most of the time, but every now and then, I wake up hard."

"A college friend was going to meet a young lady he new. ""An old flame? I asked. He winked and said ""More like an unlit match."""

"What kind of back problem did the terrorist have? Scoli-isis"

"Thanks for yelling at me and calling me names on the internet. I have the same opinion as you do now"

"How do you get 1000 dead babies into a phone booth? A blender. How do you get them out? Tostitos"

"Who are worse than Hitler, Stalin and Mao combined? The mods of this subreddit."

"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey"

"Who else does this? 1. wets toothbrush 2. puts toothpaste on toothbrush 3. wets toothbrush again 4. does backflip on to huge pile of money"

"Horse walks into a bar Bartender says: ""Why the long face?""...... Horse responds: ""Because my drinking problem is tearing my family apart."""