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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear what happened to the private who got caught sleeping with his drill instructor's Chlamydia infected wife? He got an oily discharge."

"Ghost: Are you coming to my party? Spook: Where is it? Ghost: In the morgue - you know what they say the morgue the merrier."

"What is the difference between arguing with a knife and arguing with your girlfriend? The knife has a point."

"Cardinal: Ordinations are down Pope: Maybe a recruiting poster? C: Slogan? P: ""We separate the men from the boys!"" C: Um... Any other ideas?"

"Virginity is like a car Once you've had it 25 years, nobody else wants it either"

"My wife has the body of a woman half her age. I suppose I should call the police."

"Did you hear about the guy that only ate one chicken leg per day? He was malnourished due to his paltry (poultry) diet."

"I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will never describe me as ""quiet"""

"Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell bad"

"Spike from the Land Before Time movies is the best character ever! Literally in the first 30 seconds after hatching he yawns, eats an entire bush, and takes a nap, he's like me on valentines day."