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Joke of the Day
"*closes twitter* *opens up instagram* *scrolls* *scrolls* *closes instagram* *opens up twitter*"
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"Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white? A: So he can tell if he is coming or going."
"What do you call an alligator who's wearing a vest? An investigator."
"[1st date] HER: My favorite movie is Zoolander, how bout u? ME: OMG SAME HER: What part's ur fave? ME: Um [sweating] when he lands a zoo"
"I was expecting ""The Last Airbender"" to be a disappointment. I was not disappointed."
"Rand Paul's debate strategy has been leaked. He's going to filibuster the GOP debate."
"How do you beat George Foreman in a fight? Punch him in the grill"
"Cars should have a thing where if you drive around with your blinker on for too long, they explode."
"""This is the police! Put your hands up where I can see 'em!"" ""But I can't-"" ""Now!"" *t-rex panics*"
"Why don't they give hurricanes epic names like cyclone of doom or the fate fairy instead of frikken Sandy...."