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Joke of the Day

"My dog stared at me for 10 minutes. Then, like magic, I knew he had to poop. And now, I have my own psychic show on A&E.;"

"They say video games make u violent, but hundreds of years ago we burned people alive for being witches so probably humans are just garbage"

"The cops came across these two kids. One was eating batteries, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let off the other."

"I sing like Sinatra and have the brain of Einstein. I think that's why girls call me Frankenstein."

"I read in the 1930's teething babies were given cocaine. Ridiculous! If they had tooth ache they probably didn't even want to party."

"[spelling bee] Your word is 'effusive' ""E-F-F-U-S-I-V-E"" That is correct. What was your name? ""It's Siv"" I know lmao [hi5s other judge]"

"Liars tend not make eye contact, which is why I don't trust pirates half the time."

"""1st day at school"" Mother: ""Did you enjoy your first day at school?"" . Girl: ""First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?"

"I got mad at a rock today. I chopped it in half with my lightsaber. Now there are two rocks. Send help. Now."

"Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?"