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Joke of the Day
"LPT How to beat morning wood I find my right hand does the job quite nicely."
Next Joke
"Today a guest asked if we sold leggings for dogs (I'm not even kidding, this was a real request) I guess he owns a basic bitch"
"Saw 8 vasectomy billboards on my 4 hour road trip through Florida yesterday. It's like Florida knows what has to be done to Florida."
"I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69... She said, ""No, but I have done 53 That's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""
"When I was 5, my Uncle Bob asked me to sit on his lap. It was quite touching, really."
"If you're having second thoughts... You're two ahead of most people."
"So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport.... He goes up to the penguin and asks, ""Why so angry, you cute little fella?"" The penguin looks up to him and says ""flight's delayed."""
"Why do Chihuahuas have such short necks? Because their heads are so close to their bodies!"
"Onion books. Read 'em and weep. (Credit to Andrew O'Niel.)"
"What will happen if you went inside a black hole? I don't know either. It must be out-of-this-world."