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Joke of the Day

"In Russia, you don't vote for Putin... Putin votes FOR you."

"My anaconda don't want none unless you use proper grammar and avoid using double negatives."

"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964): An adolescent reindeer is first mocked, and then taken advantage of because of a birth deformity."

"My sister told me to ""take the spider out"" instead of ""kill"" it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer."

"When flying to Prague... ...all of your bags are Czeched"

"One liners I'm at a VFW and I want dirty raunchy one liners to tell, racism allowed"

"Guys are all, ""Wanna go to my bachelor party?"" because asking, ""Wanna hang out in a room and get boners together?"" would be gross."

"Girl: Did you like that cake Mrs Jones? Mrs Jones: Yes very much. Girl: That's funny. My mom said you didn't have any taste."

"Today, a man looked me right in the face & said ""You're not hot!"" Actually it was a cop &he said ""Here's your ticket. Have a nice evening."""

"Christmas breakup: play Lexus commercial theme, when they run outside have all their crap packed for them on your driveway, lock the door."