136373

Joke of the Day

"I combined all my wrist watches to make a belt I guess you could say it was a *waist* of time"

"I don't know the lyrics to any of Pitbull's songs, but in my defense, I'm not really convinced he does either."

"Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? Works pretty well, doesn't it?"

"She can argue for 4 hours straight... but ten minutes into a blowjob and her jaw hurts."

"2 pedophiles are sitting on a park bench when an 11 year old boy walks by... One pedo leans over to the other and says ""boy he must've looked good back in the day"""

"Sea lions are faster than humans on both land and sea, so if you face one in a triathlon, you really need to make up time on the cycling."

"The Presidential Election for 2016 is like a blunt pencil. Pointless."

"Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area."

"The most Canadian thing I ever heard was a secondhand story about a guy getting his toe bit off by a beaver but not telling his date."

"I stepped on an ant hill today and realized I had probably killed a lot of innocent ants. I also killed all the ant rapists so, I'm a hero."