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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? Works pretty well, doesn't it?"

"I dated a guy in a band for two months before I realised he was just a sexy mop."

"Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken."

"Why should you never mess with an angry dysentery patient? They lose their shit over the smallest things!"

"-""I hear the Israeli PM isn't too worried about that latest hack because.."" -""Please don't"" -""...Benjamin's Not on Yahoo"" -""I'm leaving you"""

"Daddy, can I have another cup of water? ""Sure, son. But it's your 12th cup tonight..."" ""I know, the baby's room is still on fire."""

"In 2000 years, people will celebrate all this with chocolate eggs delivered by an imaginary rabbit. ~Time travelling me, to Pontius Pilate."

"I accidently mixed up some poison ivy with a 4 leafed clover Ever since I've had a rash of good luck..."

"What's the difference between getting the girlfriend pregnant and locking your keys in the car? How pissed your wife gets when you explain the coat hanger."

"People who come up with these recommended serving sizes might just be the most deluded human beings on the planet."