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Joke of the Day

"*Lying in hospital Doctor)Your back is broken in 6 places. You may never walk again Me)At least I got all the groceries in one trip"

"[walking away from taco truck] WIFE: whats wrong ME: nothing WIFE: did u think the truck would be one giant taco ME: *wiping away tears* no"

"My grandpa believes he is best friends with Freud. But I keep telling him he is just a Sigmund of his imagination."

"How do you know your friend has been at the gym? Don't worry, he'll tell you."

"How do you know ancient Egyptians were black? Because they never dig up daddies."

"How many dislexic mods does it take to screw a lightbulb ? [Remodve]"

"Why are there so many grammar Nazis on the internet? Because English majors have no jobs."

"I know someone who's addicted to brake fluid. They say they can stop any time."

"It sounded like someone on a moped was approaching but it turned out to be 1,000 bees on a regular bicycle."

"If i don't get a B+ or better on the Emergency Broadcast System Test this Saturday. My mom said she's taking my iPhone away for a month."