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Joke of the Day

"There is absolutely nothing funnier than yelling ""HE'S STEALING MY BABY!"" at a dad having a hard time with his kid in public."

"Doctor doctor I've only got 59 seconds to live. Wait a minute please."

"Me: Who will I share the sunset with now?! *sobs* Friend: Bad breakup? Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working."

"Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks."

"Why is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping? Because if the rubber breaks, you're dead."

"I like my puns like I like my sausages... the wurst ones are the best."

"Why did the plant use a dating service? To find its stomate!"

"Hey kids, for Halloween, let's go to a spooooky place full of scaaaary, oppressive people & a guy who riiiises from the dead! Kids: Church?"

"What has a 10 foot neck four legs and loves money. A Jewraffe"

"I hate colored pencils. I'd rather dye than use them."