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Joke of the Day

"""OPEN THE DOOR IT'S THE POLICE"" who is it? ""POLICE"" what is a police *cops start whispering* ""how does he not know what a police is"""

"Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets."

"Just played the new Hillary Presidency Simulator I don't know why it's called Fallout 4 though."

"Teacher: You're new here aren't you what's your name? Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith"

"Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated... Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges."

"Why can't you ever trust a cat? Because they are always lion"

"I have the body of a god Shame it's Buddha"

"I threw up my hands in disgust last night. Knew I shouldn't have eaten them."

"I'm just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy."

"At university I was going to join the debating class... ...but someone talked me out of it"