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Joke of the Day

"Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants."

"four years ago I asked out the woman of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me!!! She said no both times."

"I wish I'd get as emotional about politics as I do about a chip breaking off in the dip."

"Why didn't the skeleton go to the concert? He had no body to go with."

"Watching a birth is beautiful. Not knowing any of the parties in the delivery room & singing Salt-N-Pepa's ""Push It"" will get you arrested."

"How does Hitler give directions? He says ""take the Third Reich""."

"Anyone who says they don't like cats hasn't had them cooked properly."

"Having persuaded autocorrect that I don't want to duck anything, I hope the council don't take my complaint about the pond the wrong way."

"I miss the old days. When a duck face meant that you had a stroke."

"What's the difference between a blind hunter and a constipated owl? One shoots but can't hit while the other hoots but can't shit"