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Joke of the Day

"four years ago I asked out the woman of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me!!! She said no both times."

"My Grandad used to tell me a story about how he once saw a Polar Bear fall from a great height ...He said it was a great ice breaker *ba-dum-tschh*"

"Where do sick boats go? ........to the dock!! HAHHAHHAHAHHA"

"Opinions are like butts *gently rubs your opinion*"

"You can lead a horse to water... but jet fuel can't melt steel beams."

"Sadly, at 8:11 PM Mark Jones was mispronounced dead. [at hospital] Doctor: I'm afraid this man has deed. Am I saying that right? He's deed."

"11 y/o Daughter: [opens xmas present] uh..cable ties? Wife: she asked for a pony.. Me: a pony? ..SHE CAN'T EVEN LOOK AFTER HER CABLES LINDA"

"My Iraqi friend skyped me today Something hilarious must've been happening because I kept hearing ""Hahahahallahu hahahkbar"" and then what sounded like party poppers. Abdul sure is a mad one."

"Sometimes I ask myself, what would Aquaman do? So I sit in the bathtub and cry about how useless I am."

"As an adult, I don't like talking about church I went as a kid, but it's a touchy subject"