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Joke of the Day

"I wonder if all weather forecasts I see on the internet are on a cloud storage?..."

"5: daddy can I tell you a secret? Me: sure thing buddy 5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands"

"IF I WIN THE LOTTERY MY CATS ARE GETTING GOLD TEETH AND CANOPY BEDS"

"""Susan, will you marry me?"" ""Oh yes Johnny, yes! Yes!"" Ten grand later and it's still the best prank I ever pulled on my twin brother."

"Sometimes therapy is as simple as nodding to the dude next to you stuck in traffic. I feel you brother."

"What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios? Toucan play at that game"

"My trip to the psychiatrist. Me: I have a crippling fear of backstories. Psychiatrist: So when did this begin? Me: AHHHHH!!!!!!"

"90% of life is just having the courage to show up. The other 30% is just checking the math."

"I'm not racist because it's a crime. And crime is for black people."

"I haven't been ignoring you; I've been prioritizing you."