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Joke of the Day

"nothing saves money like being antisocial"

"Homophobia isnt much about fear, true, but I wish it was more like Arachnaphobia(I heard that every year in your sleep you swallow 7 gays)"

"The closest I've ever come to eating better is eating butter."

"DATING TIP: You never want to seem too easy! So set up a date and never show up."

"What's the difference between unlawful and illegal? One is against the law and the other is a sick bird."

"It's way too early in the day for you to be yelling at me, repeating your demands, and making me follow you around, girl. It's over, Dora."

"Good cop: I get it. You wanted an easy way out. Laptop: Please update Adobe."

"Happy Valentines Day. And Merry Christmas to FTD, Hallmark and Zales."

"What's everyone's problem with euthanasia? I like little asian kids"

"What is the difference between Jesus and Hitler? Jesus fed 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish... Hitler made 6 million Jews toast..."