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Joke of the Day

"It's Saturday! Go for a walk! Pay your bills! Take up smoking! Shave a loved one! Steal a baby!"

"Last week I tried to give up swearing... ...but said ""fuck it"" instead."

"I saw The Joker working at a winter apparel store. He turned to me and said ""You wanna know how I got these scarves?"""

"Did you hear about the scarecrow that got promoted? He was outstanding in his field..."

"I tried to read a book about illiteracy once Couldn't understand any of it"

"If Google can't find the answer, it's not a question."

"I once asked my girlfriend if she was a newspaper. Because there's a new issue with her every fucking day."

"What kind of dessert do ghosts always come back for?? A Boo Meringue"

"My therapist advised me to feed and water my kids and cook my plants 3 meals a day. And something about listening."

"Dear Tequila: We had a deal. You were supposed to make me sexier, smarter and a better dancer. But I saw the video. And I think we need to talk..."