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Joke of the Day

"Fun Game: 1. Be a couple without kids. 2. Hire a babysitter. 3. When they show up and ask where the kid is, scream, ""You lost it already?!?"""

"I went to the zoo last week and there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu."

"What's not there when you get into an argument, but there when you lose the argument? The door."

"I asked my date if she'd ever done drugs. ""No,"" she said, taking a sip of her water. I said, ""Well, you have now."""

"{Kid's bday party} Me: Where's the cake? Mom of kid: We don't believe in sugar. Me: I promise it's real. I've seen it with my own eyes."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?"

"Chuck Norris died a few hours ago. Don't worry, he's fine now."

"My memory is flawless But my ability to recall is not great"

"Go Pats! (I mean people named Pat. Can't be easy for them.)"

"Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!"