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Joke of the Day

"To silence her critics who hail her as Satan, Hillary is set to launch a new post-apocalyptical video game after winning the election! It's called President Evil."

"What do you call an Italian's semi-formal shirt? Marco's polo"

"I don't trust a restaurant that advertises ""Now with more bacon!"" because it means they were holding out on me to begin with."

"I needed a password at least eight characters long ... ... so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs..."

"I heard reincarnation... ...is making a comeback."

"The jury found me guilty. I asked the judge what the punishment would be, and he said: ""Well..."" Suspended sentence"

"Me: Okay 2 it's time for bed 2: NO! Mommy go to bed Me: Okay *goes to bed"

"Two fish are in a tank.. One turns to the other and asked ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"Marriage is like a trip to the museum... You have to be really quiet and you can't touch anything."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."